Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize