Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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