I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
