Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
