wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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