and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
