i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
