We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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