Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
