I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
