How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
