All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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