I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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