no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
