Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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