So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
