Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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