I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
