either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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