is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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