You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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