just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
