she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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