We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
