I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
