it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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