I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
