I can tuck mytits in my pants
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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