You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
