she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
