dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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