it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
