I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
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