Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
