So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize