I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
