I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
