So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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