I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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