I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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