I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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