Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
