I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
