woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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