If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
