the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
