Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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