she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
