Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
