party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
