he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
