peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
