just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize