hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
