everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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