my phone needs a breathalizer
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
