If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
