Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
