Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
