You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
