3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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