i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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