people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
