bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
