The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
