I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
