i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
