Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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