Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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