woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
i out mim tonsoeep
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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