Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
