hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
