Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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