I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
