Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
