Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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