Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
