He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
