you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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