My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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