i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
