you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
