If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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