She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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