she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize