I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize