You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize