Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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