I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
