He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i think my cat just said my name.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
