It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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