Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize